Picture Day!

Today the Kid had picture day at school. She said she wanted her hair straight and wanted to wear a dress. She did not have a dress that was clean (don’t worry, I’m doing laundry while typing), so we went with a cute grey shirt from Forever 21….did you know that they had a little girls section? She wore it with sparkly grey tights and a lace purple skirt…I know you can only see her shirt in the picture, but she looked cute! I also straightened her hair :)While walking up to the classroom, I asked her how she was planning on smiling…she smiled her fake pose smile, and I said “looks great!” She said “remember how you said that I have a fake smile when I’m taking a picture? Well, is it that smile?”

Ugh! Breaks my heart!

I made her feel insecure, less than perfect…me! Her mom, the one who is supposed to assure her that she is beautiful and enough! So I told her, “you look beautiful, no matter how you smile! When I said that before, it was because when I see you smile naturally through joy or excitement, it makes my heart swell. It’s infectious and it makes people want to be around you, so they can feel that joy too! This smile is just as beautiful…it’s just that you are thinking about smiling, so it is missing that joy! Try thinking of something funny or something that makes you happy and then smile. If it comes out forced, I will still love it and show it to everyone!” With that she gave me one of her glorious smiles and said “Mom, I love you!”

"I don’t know why she tries to do it all"

Last year I laughed my butt off, while watching the Sarah Jessica Parker movie “I Don’t Know How She Does It”! Watching her run around trying to accomplish everything for her career, kids, husband and appear to have it all together…was exhausting. There were some things I could relate to: the laying in bed and can’t sleep because you are thinking of all the things you need to get done, the idea of keeping with all of the other moms, the checking on your kids in the middle of the night…well, we can relate as moms!

I started thinking about this movie this last week, because I am trying to do everything and my husband thinks I’m crazy. It all started when I was getting ready to sign up the Boy for preschool (last year’s preschool wanted him to participate all day for 3 days a week, since it is a heavier load…too much money!), I was looking through our city’s parks and recreation courses for the fall and found a ton of activities for preschoolers! Karate, science club, soccer, cooking, arts and crafts….well I got to thinking that I could enroll him in a bunch of classes and do the education part at home. 1 hour four days a week and he would have more one on one time learning. He would get his “socialization” through the city’s classes and I would still save money!

So I presented the idea to Mr. English…it did not go over that well!

His concern was that I was taking on too much, with coaching my daughter’s soccer team, working our business, volunteering at the elementary school and not to mention I just applied to become a Brownie troop leader:) His main concern is that the house won’t be clean (laundry, dishes, etc. not Better Homes and Gardens status). I joked that it doesn’t get done anyway, so it won’t make a difference :)!

I bugged him about it for quite awhile, until we (I) decided to do a trial run. Worst case scenario, it is not an ideal experience and I enroll him in preschool after Christmas. I think the issue will be more about not really have time to myself, but the truth is he starts kindergarten next year and I will have plenty of time for me! So Mr. English…the house will be clean next year:)

I realize that all of this is very ambitious, especially for a procrastinator, but today when someone asked if he liked his school….he said “I love my teacher”! Aww, melt my heart!

My question today is: How much is too much for us moms?

Super Moms can fall too!

I love blogging! It’s like an unpersonal diary, that strangers can be influenced or impacted by my story. Unfortunately I have not always shared my complete story with you…dun, dun, dun! The way I function is, by not vocalizing my emotions until the situation is cleared up. I had every intention of introducing myself to you in a honest way…my favorite blogs are the ones where the author is genuine and raw! So here is a little piece of insight into what I have been experiencing the last year and a half. In fact, it might explain why I haven’t been totally present on this blog.

 Two Mother’s Days ago my mom and I had coffee and just hung out to talk…she seemed a little off, but I didn’t think too much about it. Little did I know that she had much on her mind as she was going in for a core needle biopsy on a lump she had felt under her arm. The week prior to this, she and I went to the gym together and in some healthy competition, she overdid it a little. She thought that she might have pulled a muscle because it was pretty sore under her arm. The next day she noticed that her “pulled muscle” was quite swollen and starting to feel like a lump. She called her doctor about her scheduled mammogram and her lump. He suggested that she come in so he could just check it out. So the day after mother’s day, she had a scheduled biopsy.

 My mom has breast cancer, what horrendous news for a woman who is so full of life and on the brink of turning (only) 50!

 The doctors said that her tumors were fast growing and that they were close to her collar bone. Within two weeks she had started her chemo treatments to shrink the tumors away from her bone, what an awful toll it took on her body. Nurses saw her as doing too much, but also told her that if she has energy than to use it. They were constantly surprised by her energy levels. I am surprised too, but in a different way! My mom has always fought and pushed through anything that has gotten in her way. As a single mother working long hours most of my life…she had to push through, which is something I have always admired in her! This cancer though, has reminded me that even she could be taken back by something so vicious…why did I need to learn (even at 31!), that my mom is not Super Woman! The woman who would stop at nothing to make dinner, work hard, be a Girl Scout leader, climb trees and play in the mud with my kids!

 My mom found out about an organization that helps patients with breast and ovarian cancer, through resources and financial needs. As someone who has seen many people battle and lose to cancer in her life: Brother Lymphoma, Father Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, Friend/co worker Pancreatic Cancer and two other co workers; she jumped at the chance to support such a cause and take part in a 10k walk as a future survivor and representative of those she knew. The walk took place in Long Beach and right in front of the salon we work at. When the owner of the salon caught wind of this event, she decided to form a team in support of my mom and the three stylists who have passed from cancer at our salon. Our whole salon has supported and took part in this walk. Since the owners’ involvement, my mom has done a couple of interviews for the walk and for some newspapers, one of which is under a caption “Local Heroes” (not a coincidence to me)!

 The walk was a great milestone in her journey. She was turning 50 five days after the event and two weeks before that was her last chemo treatment! We walked proud, knowing that she was fighting a battle and winning:) My Super Mom shortly after that walk, had a double mastectomy, radiation treatments, and then found out that she tested positive for the BRCA-1 gene! She had a hysterectomy as a preventative measure for the gene a few months ago and is now seeing a great oncologist, who like us believes in the power of alternative medicine! Her odds are great of never getting a recurrence of cancer again, but as most of us know that doesn’t mean she won’t! We are hopeful and grateful for every moment with the best BAMA in the world! Please ask any questions… I will try to post up moments from this last year as they come to me, since I know that there are a lot of holes:)